#children, #copiii, #development, attachment theory

Attachment Theory

Attachment is characterized by specific behaviors in children, such as seeking proximity to the attachment figure when upset or threatened (Bowlby, 1969).

Stages of Attachment

Rudolph Schaffer and Peggy Emerson (1964) investigated if attachment develops through a series of stages, by studying 60 babies at monthly intervals for the first 18 months of life (this is known as a longitudinal study).

The children were all studied in their own home, and a regular pattern was identified in the development of attachment.

The babies were visited monthly for approximately one year, their interactions with their carers were observed, and carers were interviewed.

A diary was kept by the mother to examine the evidence for the development of attachment. Three measures were recorded:

• Stranger Anxiety – response to arrival of a stranger.

• Separation Anxiety – distress level when separated from carer, degree of comfort needed on return.

• Social Referencing – degree that child looks at carer to check how they should respond to something new (secure base).

Bowlby suggested that a child would initially form only one primary attachment (monotropy) and that the attachment figure acted as a secure base for exploring the world.

The attachment relationship acts as a prototype for all future social relationships so disrupting it can have severe consequences.

This theory also suggests that there is a critical period for developing an attachment (about 0 -5 years).

If an attachment has not developed during this period, then the child will suffer from irreversible developmental consequences, such as reduced intelligence and increased aggression.

Photo by Yan Krukov on Pexels.com
#children, #copiii, #development, #toys, grateful, parenting tips and advice

Teaching children to be grateful

Start from an early age to teach your child/ren the art of appreciation and gratefulness

Sometimes, children do not understand (depending on age) that to have 4, 5 boxes of toys in the lounge, someone has to work to afford those toys, they aren’t falling from the sky nor a magic formula will bring stuff for us. So we have to explain, teach our children the art of being grateful, thankful with what they have and not asking every day for a robot, doll, Lego and so on

I have witnessed some parents bribing their child with a new expensive toy every time they wanted to go out on a Saturday night, they will say
”If you go to sleep now and behave,m tomorrow we will buy you a new toy” the child is snoring so off they went. Tell me to know, will the child appreciate the toys, or will she/he ever play with that toy?

Start by teaching them to say the magic words ”Thank you and please” Be a role model for them. Treat everyone with kindness.

Talk with children about sharing. Observe the child at a play date, is he/she happy sharing the toys?

What if you ask the children to pack up some toys they do not want and then take them to the children home or the poor family you know. Now is the time for the child to understand the art of gratefulness.

#children, #copiii, #dad, #development, over-parenting

OVER-PARENTING

Here is a definition of overparenting – too much involvement by parents in the lives of their children, so that they try to help with or control everything that happens to the child: over-parenting can lead to anxiety and depression in young people.

Usually, over-parenting happens in families with one child or with the first child when parents are trying desperately to raise a perfect child which eventually will become the perfect adult, which word ”perfect” doesn’t exist!

By the age of 2, some children can read, write, cook, swim, drive, start up a business, and paint the walls not with poo but paint. I am exaggerating and sarcastic now. 

Over-parenting or tiger parenting comes in many forms and many actions done by the parents thinking that they are protecting and raising a healthy child, when in fact, they give no chance to that child to decide without their influential. Family Studies has found that over-parented children show less autonomy, competence and ability to relate to others as teens, which can result in depression and decreased overall life satisfaction.

Children deserve a childhood with no unnecessary restrictions from an over-parenting parent!

Relax, take a deep breath and re-think your parenting style!

About CrinaMorpho
#children, #copiii, #development, #kindness, #parenting, #trauma, parents and children

PARENTING STYLES

Make sure your parenting style is supporting healthy growth and development because the way you interact with your child and how you act will influence your child’s future

There are four types of parenting styles:

  • Authoritarian
  • Authoritative
  • Permissive
  • Uninvolved

Authoritarian

  • The parents do not take the children’s feelings into consideration
  • Children’s point of view, comments, or desire is not valuable.
  • Lots of rules and children MUST follow them or get into trouble
  • They have high expectations for their children
  • When a child asks ”why” they respond ”because I said so”

Authoritative

  • Are responsive to the child emotional needs while still having high standards
  • They explain the reason behind the rule
  • Encourage independence
  • I think this style is the most popular one.

Permissive

  • They have rules but rarely are enforcing them
  • They tend to be very loving with their children, yet provide few guidelines/rules
  • They are much like a friend to their child, not a parent figure.

Uninvolved

  • They don’t ask your child about school or homework
  • They are neglectful, indifferent with the child/ren
  • Rarely know where your child is or who she is with

The parents are all different, raising their children with different styles.

Some have more than one style. Before judging a parent for their parenting style, we have to look into ”their history” or better said their past. If they were abused, neglected they might copy their parent’s, they take them as a model 

There are also exceptions; we can’t guarantee or judge a future parent based on their past. If my parents were uninvolved, this doesn’t mean that I will be uninvolved, for sure I will not.

The uninvolved one is describing my parents after I turned 12-13, my parents changed their style, from authoritative to uninvolved style. If you are asking how come? My Dad became an alcoholic and Mom had enough and became absent.

PARENTS, be present, role model, if you need help with your parenting, ask for help.