#children, #parenting, #poverty, Life

What is BREAST IRONING?

I wanna talk today about this subject as I find it really sad and violates the rights of the children (girls). That girl goes to a trauma, her self esteem is shaking badly.

BREAST IRONING – It’s a traditional practice whereby the breasts of a girl are flattered with tools like heated objects( spatulas, stones, hammers) to try to make them stop developing or disappear.

Usually happens in the villages, and it’s mostly done by the female members of the family, by an auntie, grandmother, eldest sister.

Some women whose breasts were ”ironed” have said they had trouble producing milk and breastfeeding their children.

Mothers in Cameroon thinks that by this practice girls will look less sexually attractive to men and keeping them in school for longer. (global citizen.org)

According to UNICEF, 38% of the children in Cameroon are married before they turn 18th. and 20% of them drop out of school after getting pregnant.

The practice is more common is West and Central Africa, yet has no borders, it occurs all over the world and has migrated with people and culture in the UK.

I can only imagine what is in their mind, what emotions they have, sure there is fear, pain, trauma, sadness, and so on.

It’s thought that about 1000 girls across the UK have been subjected to the practice. BREAST IRONING is child abuse!

Photo by Emre Kuzu on Pexels.com
#encouragement, #love, education, grace

Teaching kids about grace

What is grace, and how we can give grace to children?

GRACE – receiving a blessing you didn’t earn and don’t deserve

I love the meaning of God’s grace- We deserved punishment but God offered us grace, mercy. He gave His son for us at the cross.

Ephesians 2:8-9

I think a parent gives the children grace after grace everyday. Just think about it (if you have a child), let’s say the child broke a vase, would you scream and punish your kid? No, instead you give forgiveness and love, using nice words with your kid. This is grace. If you want the child to have mercy and to learn the grace of God, show it to them, usually kids learn by observing, kids are very much like sponges, soaking up the experiences they have each and every day.

Here are some ideas/activities for the parents to do with their kiddos.

  1. Teach them about the grace – Read a bible story, for example the the story of prodigal son.
  2. Watch a YouTube video ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXCBHK6FPEw). I recommend this one.
  3. Show them grace – try to understand the reasons behind the actions. Be there, the children needs parents presence, talk with them, love them unconditionally, teach them the right from bad

Talking with kids about grace is so important and wise. Just imagine when that child will grow up, he/she will offer grace to other people, they will be kind, ready to forgive, compassionate and ready to help.

JOHN 3:16

Photo by Tatiana Syrikova on Pexels.com

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4 Types Of Parenting Styles

I studied social work and I remember the teachers talking about the types of parenting, also recently I have done some online courses about childcare, briefly these types were mentioned.

What are they and how they are affecting the children?

Most probably if you are a parent, you can identify your style, or if you are not a parent, like me, we can identify our parents style. Parenting style has a big impact in child life.

Authoritarian– STRICT, this style is about being strict, it’s about the rules. Parents with an authoritarian style have very high expectations of their children, yet provide very little in the way of feedback. If a child does mistakes, most probably they will be punished and sometimes the authoritarian tends to abuse the child in a physical way.

characteristics of authoritarian parents:

They have little to no patience for misbehaviourAuthoritarian parents expect their children to simply know better than to engage in undesirable behaviour. 

They don’t give children choices or options

They don’t express much warmth or nurturing

The children of authoritarian parents tend to exhibit these effects:

  • They associate obedience with love
  • Some children display aggressive behaviour outside.
  • Some children may act shy around others
  • Children often have lower self-esteem.

Permissive Parenting – Avoids confrontation, they wanna be friend instead of parent, they use rewards or a bribe in order to get the child to do what they wanna do. They rarely discipline their child, there are no rules to follow. Instead of setting rules, they try to prevent problems from happening, they choose to let their child to figure things out for themselves.

Characteristics of permissive parenting:

Emphasise their children’s freedom rather than responsibility

Ask their children’s opinions on major decisions

Are usually very loving towards their kids.

The children of permissive parents tend to exhibit these effects:

poor academic performance and behavioral problems.

Display more aggression and less emotional understanding

they lack motivation, discipline. Also the kids are more likely to engage in underage alcohol, smoking use.

Authoritative Parenting – This type has high standards, expectations. But is balanced with respect, warmth, encourage independence. They are responsive to the child’s emotional needs while having high standard. They might set limits, rules and are very consistent in enforcing boundaries. This Type has been shown to be the best way in treating and raising your child because it leads to the best outcomes in child like better social skills, emotional health, the kid is more secure and attached to their parents.

Characteristics of authoritative parenting:

Leads to development of a cooperative/friendly structure where the child’s spontaneous initiations is encouraged.

They encourage, support, and are sensitive to needs

Creates family unity through compassion, inclusion and respect.

Gives child plenty of affection which result in a sociably child, happy and ready to recognise peoples emotions and also to help them.

The children of authoritative parents tend to exhibit these effects:

Compassionate with others

happy, loving and caring person

Trustworthy, respectful

Confident in abilities. Capable and involved.

Uninvolved/Neglectful parenting – This type is the most harmful of all. Unfortunately because of circumstances in their life, like divorce, drugs, poverty, or sometimes just because they chose to. Sometimes dads can have this style when they do not have a presence in their child’s life, and this can be really damaging. I am praying to God for the children with this type pf parenting.

Characteristics of neglectful parenting:

No affection or guidance given to the child

Likely a substance abuser

Lacks emotional attachment to child

Don’t attend school events and parent-teacher conference

Offer little or no supervision

Do not plan children’s education, future.

Do not care about the child needs

Usually are not interested of sending kids to extracurricular activities.

The children of neglectful/uninvolved parents tend to exhibit these effects:

Low self-esteem, self-reliant. Forced to act mature even though he/she is a child.

Depressed, sad, lonely

No emotional connection between parent and child

The have a hard time forming relationships with other people.

Anxiety.